philly

I didn't stick around to hear the commencement at my graduation. I didn't see Lady's either. I saw part of one of my friends' commencement at my first college down in DC who graduated a semester early, but not the rest who graduated the next year [I was already back in NY and still in finals I think]. But a good commencement speech is always fun to watch on C-SPAN, they'll be replaying them all the time for the next couple of weeks if they stick to their usual routine. Good ones from this year and classics from years past.

Howard points to Stephen Colbert's 2006 commencement speech at Knox College, his non-alma mater. And let me just pull out two of my favorite chunks:

There are so many challenges facing this next generation, and as they said earlier, you are up for these challenges. And I agree, except that I don't think you are. I don't know if you're tough enough to handle this. You are the most cuddled generation in history. I belong to the last generation that did not have to be in a car seat. You had to be in car seats. I did not have to wear a helmet when I rode my bike. You do. You have to wear helmets when you go swimming, right? In case you bump your head against the side of the pool. Oh, by the way, I should have said, my speech today may contain some peanut products.

and

But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you. Hear me out. It has been said that children are our future. But does that not also mean that we are their past? You are here to replace us. I don't understand why we're here helping and honoring them. You do not see union workers holding benefits for robots.

And after reading this one, I was reminded of two other great commencement speeches by two more of my favorite comedians. This one by Conan O'Brien at Harvard's 2000 commencement and this one by Jon Stewart at William & Mary's 2004 commencement.

Anyone out there have a really good commencement address? I don't even know who spoke at my commencement [which I did not attend].

NEW YORK—Pro-life advocates celebrated approval of the new anti-abortion drug UR-86 by the Food and Drug Administration Tuesday, calling it a "safe and effective method" for terminating pregnant women while leaving their unborn children unharmed.

How long before BushCo starts citing The Onion as a source for it's policies? I know that they had a bit of a tiff last year over the usage of the White House symbol — which I understand is perfectly legal when used in satire as The Onion obviously does.

In real news… An FDA advisory panel [what the hell is that supposed to mean?] got off their lazy asses and voted thirteen to zero to endorse a vaccine which blocks various viruses that lead to most cervical cancer. What the fuck took them so long? Oh yeah, men don't have cervixes, my bad.

I can't wait until it's up on C&L or YouTube, Google Video until it's demanded by NBC to be taken down.

For a quick recap, it was Al Gore doing the opening monologue as President of the U.S. of A. It looked right. He didn't ruin it by laughing. The skit was well written. Look out for it.

It is Saturday night and Stephen Colbert will be the man at the mic. He'll tell those fuckers about terms like factesque and truthiness.

Oh the fun times on a Saturday night. I like the SPAN, but it was Lady who caught the mention this morning. Lady and I will be watching. 8p – C-SPAN.

Always fun to watch is the commentary-less C-SPAN camera showing the red carpet entrance to the dinner hall. Oh the humanity.

And she also caught that Colbert will be on 60 Minutes on Sunday night [7p CBS].

***Liveblog and links to transcript and video here***

Oh how I love the Colbert Report. Their "Better Know a District" is one of my favorite recurring segments. "Formidable Opponent" is my absolute favorite with the athletes using performance enhancing drugs my single favorite segment.

Over the weekend, the NY Times took a look at the "Better Know a District" series. It made me recall all the hilarious moments once again.

And it's not as if Democrats are getting off easy. Mr. Colbert knew just how to get under the skin of one of them, Bill Pascrell Jr. of New Jersey, by suggesting that Mr. Pascrell, a co-sponsor of legislation seeking an end to offensive media portrayals of Italian-Americans, was not a true Italian.

"Congressman," Mr. Colbert said, "your name doesn't end in a vowel."

"Italians don't have to end in a vowel," Mr. Pascrell parried. Mr. Colbert demanded that he name one.

Flustered, the congressman blurted out: "Sole! Tom Sole. S-O-L-E."

Zinger!

Oh Crooks and Liars, how I love thee. How quickly you record, compress and render video — it is beyond me.

For anyone who missed Monday night's episode of The Daily Show, C&L already has it up here.

Comedy gold.