Hummers are Fucking Stupid
I saw a commercial on the television a couple nights ago. It was for the new H2 or the H3, I don't keep track of those stupid fucking cars. Let me first say, why the fuck do you need such a stupid shitty car? If anyone who owns a Hummer is reading this - and is not driving one for military purposes - you're a fucking idiot, you stupid fucking schmuck.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way…
So this commercial showed a Hummer and the text or voiceover, I forget which, stated something along the lines of "They said we couldn't do it… A Hummer that gets 20 miles per gallon." [And I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that the 20 mpg number is for highway miles]
I almost threw up in my fucking mouth.
Twenty fucking miles to the fucking gal-fucking-lon? What kind of a fucking stupid fucking claim is that? Is twenty fucking miles to the fucking gal-fucking-on a fucking accomplishment?! Fuck you Hummer. Fuck you GM. It's genious campaigns like this and genious decisions to not go hybrid a decade ago which have lead to -$10B numbers.
And what kind of a completely fucking ridiculous public do we have where the ad wizards over at GM think they can unleash this campaign and we'll all eat it up like HOOOORRRAAAAAYYYY!!!! 20 FUCKING MILES TO THE FUCKING GAL-FUCKING-LON!!!! Let's go start another war! Woo hoo! I'm gonna go plunk $100 over at the gas station filling up my fuel efficient twenty fucking miles to the fucking gal-fucking-lon Hummer. You fuckers.
I'm gonna step over here and get on my liberal elitist high horse and preach how I don't have a car and haven't for about a year and a half now. I use public transportation, walk and bike just about everywhere. On occassion I use a car and when I do, it's through the ingenious PhillyCarShare of which I've been a member of for four months or so. I love it. Not having a car has been great. I don't miss not having one after growing up in the 'burbs and depending on one.
It's one thing to have/need a car. It's another thing to be a fuckwad and drive a Hummer and on top of that extol it's fuel efficiency at 20 fucking miles per fucking gal-fucking-on. Fuckers.
The commercial made me quite angry. Hummers are stupid. Really fucking stupid.
If I ever do meet a Hummer driver and s/he extols to me how it gets twenty fucking miles to the fucking gal-fucking-lon, I may indignantly punch them in the face and walk away without saying a word.
Explore posts in the same categories: Conservation, Transportation
September 28th, 2006 @ 7:29 am
Reminds me of the very quickly squashed ad campaign for some SUV that showed the car tearing through the tundra with the voiceover:
Take that mother nature.
I saw it twice before it was pulled. Car ads usually get a much longer run. Sometimes these advertisers are clueless… or maybe us consumers are just really stupid.
September 28th, 2006 @ 10:52 am
well, Hummer did find that the major complaint of its owners (who clearly buy one for dick-wagging reasons) was fuel consumption, so probably a change from 10 (?) to 20 mpg buys a significant amount of loyalty, and may assuage the pocketbook worries of some considering such a behemoth for reasons of [insert your put-down of insecurities or priorities here] . . .
September 28th, 2006 @ 11:12 am
I think we all know which insecurity drives the purchase of these great big impossible to park urban combat vehicles. I have developed a formula for you:
Percentage by which car size (sq. ft.) plus mpg exceeds that of standard Japanese fuel efficient vehicle = percentage by which size of penis falls short of average for surrounding population.
I hope that helps.
September 28th, 2006 @ 10:06 pm
"If I ever do meet a Hummer driver and s/he extols to me how it gets twenty fucking miles to the fucking gal-fucking-lon, I may indignantly punch them in the face and walk away without saying a word."
If you do, YouTube it - please????
Heck - if you released it on DVD, I'd BUY it!
September 29th, 2006 @ 7:56 am
This is a genius post. I couldn't stop laughing — though when I think of Hummer drivers (and SUV pilots in general), the most annoying thing for me is how often they lack even the most basic idea how to drive anything bigger than a shopping cart, let alone a full-size SUV.
I say all those who can meet and adhere to every facet of Class A CDL requirements are welcome to drive a Hummer — but I think that condition alone would disqualify most of them.
September 29th, 2006 @ 11:12 am
Funny as hell.
What sucks though, is that my entire family work(ed) for GM. I tried to remain loyal, but holy shit, what a stupid fucking company. Fucking GM.
October 5th, 2006 @ 6:25 pm
[...] I haven't been keeping up with my blogs at all. I just came across this post in my friend Alberts blog about how idiotic Hummers are. What he didn't add was that they were built remarkably poorly. If you ever get a chance to touch one, go up to a H2 or H3 and check out the 'chrome' grills.. you'll be in for a big surprise… [...]